


What's Left in the Dark

by Schmidt1012



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Benny Lafitte Lives, Deaf Character, F/M, Field of Dreams MOVIE SPOILER, M/M, Men Crying, Movie Night, Platonic Cuddling, SPN Swan Song Bingo, blanket sharing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-05-28 11:03:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19392808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schmidt1012/pseuds/Schmidt1012
Summary: Sam stretched his long limbs for a moment and slowly draped his arm over Eileen’s shoulders, the cheesy yawn-and-reach maneuver.In a normal situation, Eileen would clock someone who’d attempt to do that move on her. But it’s Sam. And she wanted it. It would happen either way, sooner or later. If Sam didn't initiate it, Eileen knew she would have. She could practically hear herself saying, isn’t it a little chilly here? Damn it, it sounded awful in her head. But instead of kicking herself down, she let go and leaned right in. The movie was about to end, meaning they only got a few minutes to stay like that.---Written for SPN Swan Song Bingo.Square Filled: Season 11 - Eileen Leahy





	What's Left in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Content Warning: Field of Dreams (1989) movie spoiler.
> 
> Also, it's Field of Dream's 30th anniversary :)

* * *

* * *

_There they go again, sitting impossibly close together._

With a little help from the television set’s glare, lighting the room with its vintage glow, Eileen couldn’t help but notice how those two men interact with one another.

Benny had just returned from the kitchen, with a couple of bottles of beers in his hands, and Dean greeted him with the warmest smile Eileen had ever witnessed from the older Winchester. Even with the dimness of the room, Eileen noticed how Dean’s face lit up, his eyes reflecting the television light, as the hunter accepted the beer Benny was holding in front of him.

It was weird seeing Dean like that, all content and mellow without his typical bravado, but at the same time, it warmed Eileen’s heart that Dean had this side of himself after everything he and his brother had been through. Moments like these were hard to come by, a short break from hunting and from the world, but these good people had their ways how to cherish them. Most of the time, based on what Sam had told her, these men simply open an expensive bottle of scotch – or whiskey – left by the last occupants of the bunker, and exchange stories while savoring the golden amber liquid. That’s what these hunters call a break.

This night was special though.

Dean had found a copy of the movie _Field of Dreams_ , and to Eileen’s surprise, it wasn’t Dean who had convinced her to watch ‘the greatest movie of all time’ but Sam; his eyes all big and pleading. Who’s she to deny that giant puppy? She’s not a monster.

At first, she didn’t know what the big deal was. It's a movie about ghost baseball players and considering their job as hunters, it struck her boring. After paying attention to the story’s slow buildup, though, she couldn’t deny how good it really was. These brothers knew their stuff. Even Castiel, who hadn’t move in front of the T.V. since the movie had started, was really into it, watching with undivided attention.

During the quarter half of the movie was when she had seen _it_. She remembered it clearly. That was the time when Sam had informed her that there’s a tub of _Ben & Jerry’s_ in the fridge – chocolate fudge brownie, the good stuff and not one of those healthy, soy-based stuff that Sam loves _–_ and he'd just grab it for a second. Dean and Benny were sharing a blanket that time, nothing special, but when Sam had walked past in front of them, the two overgrown men shifted in their seat. One second, they’re in the middle of the couch, Dean’s arm resting around Benny’s shoulders, and then the next thing Eileen knew was there’s an undeniable space between the two.

It was only a couple of inches apart, an acceptable sitting distance between two people; friends. But in a weird way, the way Eileen see it, it was like Dean and Benny were sitting on both ends of the couch like they’re guilty of something.

 _Guilty of what, exactly?_ Eileen thought earlier as she watched Dean and Benny share a shy, yet, apologetic smiles.

Now, unaware of Eileen’s observant eyes, the two men were back in their earlier position: sitting impossibly close together and drinking beer. Dean pointed at the T.V. and whispered something to Benny. Eileen couldn’t see what the older Winchester was saying and she’s grateful of that. Whatever these two had was none of her business. She simply found their interactions fascinating – or rather sweet – especially now that Benny had picked up the blanket to drape over them. If she knew any better, these men could be cuddling beneath it.

A firm hand, squeezing her shoulder, jerked her attention away from Dean and Benny.

It was Sam, “The best scene’s coming up.”

“Hm?” was her only response.

Sam shifted in his seat, closing the gap between him and Eileen, and he grabbed the ice cream Eileen had forgotten she was sharing with Sam. “You umm…” Sam paused and scooped a spoonful of half-melted ice cream, trying to make his mouth busy. “You don’t like the movie?” Sam continued after polishing his spoon.

“I like it,” Eileen answered in all honesty. It’s true; she actually liked _Field of Dreams_ so far. It just her eyes had caught something interesting to watch. “Why?”

With a small smile plastered on his face, Sam shook his head and took a spoonful of ice cream before shoveling it in his mouth. He shifted again, inching closer and closer towards Eileen until his and Eileen’s thigh were touching.

And Eileen was hyperaware of it; how she and Sam were sitting closely now. It was nice, in a comforting kind of way. The heat radiating from Sam’s body distracted her from the movie, _from Dean and Benny_ , and it was easy – tempting – to lean in and rest her body against Sam's solid frame.

Thankfully, saving them both of their time, Sam did the thinking for her.

Sam stretched his long limbs for a moment and slowly draped his arm over Eileen’s shoulders, the cheesy yawn-and-reach maneuver.

In a normal situation, Eileen would clock someone who’d attempt to do that move on her. But it’s Sam. And she wanted it. It would happen either way, sooner or later. If Sam didn't initiate it, Eileen knew she would have. She could practically hear herself saying, _isn’t it a little chilly here?_ Damn it, it sounded awful in her head. But instead of kicking herself down, she let go and leaned right in. The movie was about to end, meaning they only got a few minutes to stay like that.

“ _What?_ ” in the movie, Ray asked Shoeless Joe. “What are you grinning at, you ghost?”

 _Yeah, what are you grinning at, you ghost?_ Eileen echoed in her head. She, too, couldn’t help but smile with Sam’s arm around her. To hide it, she extracted the tub of ice cream from Sam’s compliant hand and busied her mouth with rich, chocolate ice cream.

 _“If you build it,”_ Shoeless Joe answered, saying that intriguing dialogue; the sort-of-plot of the movie. He trailed off to look at the distance for a moment and continued _, “He will come.”_

_If you build it, he will come._

Eileen stared at the subtitle on the T.V. as Ray followed the ghost baseball player’s gaze. Standing on the field, busy with his protective gears, another baseball player had appeared.

The baseball player took off his protective mask and looked at Ray.

 _“Oh, my God,”_ Ray said. Judging by how his face dropped at what he saw off-screen, Eileen assumed that the man had said it in shock.

“ _What? What is it?_ ” concerned, Annie asked her husband.

“ _It’s my father._ ”Castiel rose to his feet at that revelation, surprising Eileen. With an expression as though he discovered the secrets of the universe, the angel stood still and watched intently as Ray added, “ _Ease his pain._ ”

Meanwhile, Sam shifted in his seat again in response, pulling Eileen closer against him.

“Is this the best part?” Eileen whispered. It had to be considering the movie’s about to come to its end.

Sam didn’t respond.

Unsure if she should look away from the screen, not wanting to miss the supposed best scene, Eileen craned her neck to spare Sam a glance.

_Huh._

Whatever on the screen was, Sam was too engrossed watching it for him to not hear Eileen calling his name for the second – and third – time, his eyes glued on the T.V., unblinking. And if Eileen said that she wasn’t reading too much into Sam’s facial expression, then she’s probably lying. It’s hard not to miss how Sam’s jaw clenched. In addition to that, Sam’s usual soft eyes turned steely for a second before it blinked once, then twice, until the next thing Eileen knew was a tear was already building on its corner.

Different emotions were surging into Sam’s features as the movie slowly came to its end, and Eileen couldn’t point out which of which was more prominent. Was it anger, longing, joy, regret, or jealousy?

Then it dawned on her, that she had probably missed Sam’s favorite scene; the very reason why this tree of a man got all emotional. She should just turn her attention back on the movie, in hope that it's not too late, and stop staring at the gorgeous man.

So that’s what she did.

 _“Is… is this heaven?”_ The young ghost of John asked Ray. The sun was already setting on the background, giving the movie a melancholic vibe with its golden, sepia glow.

Ray slowly shook his head and added with a small smile, _“It’s Iowa.”_

_“Iowa?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“I could have sworn it was heaven,"_ John muttered – judging by how John’s lips had moved; he walked away to gather his protective gears.

_“Is there a heaven?”_

_“Oh, yeah. It’s the place dreams come true.”_

Ray seemed to consider that answer as he gazed upon the horizon. And in a smooth motion, he turned his head to look at his right. There, his wife together with their daughter could be seen sitting on the porch swing. _“Maybe this is heaven.”_

A long, shuddering breath hit the side of Eileen’s head, distracting her.

Eileen looked beside her and witnessed right on time as a solitary tear began to roll on Sam's cheek. Sam seemed preoccupied with the movie, for him not to notice the rogue tear that had left a wet trail and Eileen who was gawking at him.

Not wanting to break the spell that’s happening with the younger Winchester, and to give Sam some privacy time to wipe any evidence of his moment of vulnerability, Eileen quickly turned her attention back on the movie as though she witness nothing. In front of the T.V., Castiel was sitting on the floor again, cross-legged, like a child watching cartoons or a fascinating documentary about the animal kingdom. A fly could easily in the angel's parted mouth.

 _“Goodnight, Ray.”_ John extended his hand.

Ray shook it. _“Goodnight, John."_ The two men shook hands, both seemingly not wanting to let go until John had to break it off. Ray watched John walk away towards the cornfield for a couple of seconds before saying, _"Hey, Dad?”_

John looked back at Ray, responding to ‘Dad’.

“What?” Eileen said in shock, surprised that the ghost of John knew all along whom Ray was. At the same time, Castiel fidgeted on the floor, and beside Eileen, Sam held his breath; the constant rising and falling of his chest had disappeared against Eileen’s back.

 _“You want to have a catch?”_ with his lower lip trembling, Ray continued.

_“I’d like that.”_

As the two men played catch and the camera started to zoom out, Eileen figured that that was the ending of the movie. An emotional reunion between father and son. She’d never seen it coming. At first, she thought that building the baseball field would save Ray's farm, considering there were now headlights coming from countless cars making their way towards the newly built field, like fireflies through the night, as the camera zoomed out even further. Well, maybe it would, eventually, but the way the movie had ended, it all came back to the quote ‘if you build it, he will come’.

She still didn’t get it though, why Sam and Dean had proclaimed that the Field of Dreams was the best sports-related movie that was ever made. Sam even got emotional. Maybe it’s a guy thing – plus Castiel, apparently – that Eileen couldn’t understand, but who knew.

Out on the corner of her eye, as the movie fade to black and credits began rolling, Eileen couldn't help but notice Benny embracing Dean, his hand running up and down Dean’s back. Even though the blanket that was draped over them had slid off, exposing their tangled limbs, she couldn’t see Dean’s face; Benny's thick arms were on the way. She's curious if the older Winchester had his brother's teary-eyed reaction from the movie as well.

 _Probably_ , Eileen thought.

Just as she was about to check on Sam, her eyes caught Benny planting a small kiss on top of Dean’s head. _Fuck_ , she couldn’t avert her eyes.

Benny’s mouth moved, and out of habit – or more like an instinct, her brain involuntarily read Benny’s lips. “I got you. I got you.” Benny rubbed circles on Dean’s back, amusement was painted all over his face. “Yeah, that’s it. Cry it all out, _sha_.”

Through sheer willpower and shame from eavesdropping, Eileen found the strength to jerk her head away. _None of my business_ , she said to herself like a mantra, trying to forget the tenderness Dean and Benny were having; tenderness which probably wasn’t meant to be seen by anyone. The darkness that’s supposed to conceal them from unsuspecting eyes, creating an illusion that they’re alone, had failed the two men. When the lights were flipped back on, everything would go back to normal to these two.

But what’s normal to Dean and Benny’s relationship, really?

The arm around Eileen twisted, and in response, she scooted forward to let Sam detach himself.

With both hands, Sam didn’t bother hiding as he wiping the tears off his cheeks. He rubbed his face, a sign that Sam’s trying to get his bearings, and took a deep breath. “Hey,” smiling, Sam said.

“Hey,” Eileen greeted back, mimicking Sam’s shy smile. Feeling elated, after the rollercoaster ride of a movie and witnessing Benny kissing Dean’s temple, Eileen couldn’t help but tease Sam, “Did you cry?”

Sam scoffed, the smile on his face unwavering. “You didn’t?”

“Almost. I feel something, to be honest, but it didn’t have much impact compare to how _Terms of Endearment_ has affected me.”

“Really?” Sam scrunched up his nose. “Terms of Endearment?”

“Hey, don’t give me that look,” Eileen shoved Sam’s shoulder, playfully, that got Sam snickering, “it's a classic and it's really good; a real tear-jerker.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, why?" Eileen studied Sam's face for a moment before gasping, "You haven’t watched it, have you.”

“No.”

“So let’s watch it next time. I want to see you big boys cry your eyes out.”

“Boys?” Sam raised a finger and waved it around, emphasizing the men in the room. “I don’t think so. You can’t convince Dean to watch ‘Chick flicks’.”

“It’s not chick _—_ ” Eileen bit her bottom lip. Now’s not the time for argument. “Then let’s watch it together. Just us. So no one, except me, could see you cry.”

Sam raised his brows at that.

“What, are you afraid that Terms of Endearment is better than Field of Dreams?” Eileen challenged. “Or you’re afraid that I’ll see you cry like a baby?”

Sam chuckled, slowly shaking his head.

“Is that a no?”

“No, no. No.” Sam cleared his throat before shooting Eileen a smile. “I mean, I’d love to watch it with you. And I promise I won’t cry.”

“Great. It's decided then.”

Sam nodded. “It’s a date.”

“Yep, it’s a… _date_.” Eileen’s cheeks felt hot after the last word had rolled off her tongue. It’s a date. Now that she thought about it, the way she had offered to watch the movie, she might have sounded like she’s asking Sam on a date. _Then let’s watch it together. Just us._

In front of her, Sam was still smiling, shyly, and Eileen wondered if Sam’s blushing too. Their eyes locked and Sam’s smile grew wider.

“ _You want to see something funny?_ ” Sam signed, his sign language improved compared the last time Eileen had seen him do it.

“ _Sure,_ ” Eileen signed back, “ _what is it?_ ”

“ _Watch this.”_ Sam picked up a bottle cap on the floor and pointed at Dean and Benny’s direction. “ _Pay attention to Dean._ ”

Eileen nodded. She turned her head to look at the guys, a little curious if they’re still tangled up together. They’re not. But they’re still sitting close.

A bottle cap flew in the air and it landed between Dean and Benny. They spare it a glance before whipping their heads towards Sam. Even with the room’s limited lighting, Eileen’s eyes spotted how swollen Dean’s eyes were.

Out of Eileen’s field of vision, Sam might’ve said something for Dean to frown. Sitting idly beside Dean, Benny pursed his lips in an attempt to hide his amusement.

Shooting Sam a look that screams ‘I will break your leg’, Dean flipped Sam the bird before storming off the room. Benny followed him seconds later after politely mouthing ‘goodnight’ to Eileen.

“What the hell did you say?” Eileen asked. To her confusion, Sam was already snickering in his seat. Slapping Sam lightly on the thigh, she added, “That was not funny,” but it only spurred Sam into a hearty laugh, throwing his head back.

_I don’t get it—_

Eileen’s thought was halted by unexpected darkness, swallowing the room. Someone had turned off the television; it was Castiel.

Castiel’s silhouette moved.

“Where are you going, Cas?” Eileen read Sam’s lips with difficulty, but at least he had stopped laughing. Now that Sam had mentioned it, Castiel was taking the door towards the main room, not towards the sleeping quarters.

Castiel opened the door; the light coming from the hallway provided Eileen some visibility to catch the words ‘I’m going out’ from Castiel’s lips.

“Where?” Sam prompted, “It’s late.”

“To Heaven.”

“To where now?”

"Iowa," Castiel answered with a stoic expression. He eyed the light switch beside the door and flipped it on. The fluorescent lights flickered twice before it completely illuminated the room with its dull light. “I want to check if there is a gate there that leads to Heaven.”

“It’s just a movie, Cas,” Sam tried but Castiel had already made his exit, leaving Sam and Eileen alone. He sighed and slumped in his seat.

“What is it?” Eileen asked, concerned. Sam just mouthed ‘Iowa’ to himself and the corner of his mouth twitched downward. It happened too fast that Eileen could’ve sworn she’s imagining things. “Is there something wrong?”

In contrast to his earlier energy, Sam lazily rolled his head to look at Eileen. “Nothing. I just remembered something.”

“You want to talk about it?” Eileen put down the ice cream container and scooted closer to Sam.

Sam shrugged but he talked. “It’s about the movie.”

Eileen hummed in encouragement.

“It just hit too close to home.”

“The ghosts?”

“No,” Sam shook his head, smiling but it disappeared as he continued, “it’s about my Dad. When I was growing up, I blame everything to him and I always made sure that he knew how I hated our life as hunters. I was a kid and all I wanted was normalcy. He did his best but nothing has satisfied me. I was selfish.” Tears welled from Sam’s eyes and his lower lip began to tremble.

Unsure of what to say, Eileen rested a reassuring hand on Sam’s shoulder.

After a long, shuddering breath, Sam continued, “I don’t remember what our fights were about but I know I was always the one who initiated it. I remember him coming home, exhausted, after a long hunt and me shouting at him, knowing he’d shout back. I made him feel guilty of everything; every wrong decision and mistakes he'd made. That’s why he didn’t drag me back to hunting when I ran away. He gave me what I wanted, freedom. And thinking about it now, I realize that all he wanted was for me to be safe… to be happy. He sacrificed too much and gained very little. Who Dean and I have become were all thanks to him. And I regret that I’ve never got the chance to say goodbye or thank him for everything he’d done. Every time I think about him, all I see is him lying on a hospital floor.”

“Hey,” with shaking breath, affected by Sam’s emotional outburst, Eileen cooed. She kneeled on the couch and pulled a trembling Sam into her arms. In response, Sam wrapped his arms around Eileen and buried his face into her chest. “I got you. I got you.”

Eileen didn’t know the whole story about Sam and Dean’s life, but what Sam had shared gave her a speck of understanding why Sam had reacted that way watching Field of Dreams.

Minutes had passed and Sam finally calmed down, Eileen kept hugging and reassuring him the entire time. “Thank you,” Sam said. As best as he could, he wiped the remnants of his tears with the back of his hand and added, “I’m sorry you have to see that.”

 _Don’t apologize for that, Sam_ , Eileen thought but kept it to herself. It seemed silence was the better option, so that's what she did. She shook her head and touched Sam's arm, rubbing it up and down, reassuringly, to let Sam know that she’s there.

“Say, uh,” Sam started, “why don’t we call it a night? Get a few hours of shuteye?”

“Sure.” Eileen nodded. She scanned the room and inhaled sharply at the sight of scattered popcorns on the floor. Dean and Benny had thrown them at Castiel but the angel didn’t bother paying them any mind, busy watching the movie. There’s also a half a dozen empty beer bottles on the coffee table. “Let me just clean up a bit.”

Sam put a hand on Eileen's shoulder to get her attention and said, “No. I’ll take care of it.” Eileen was about to open her mouth in protest but Sam cut her off with a stern, “House rule, Leahy. Go get some sleep. I’ll handle the mess.”

“Fine,” defeated, Eileen threw her hands up and sank in the couch. Sam’s gaze followed her. “Goodnight, then?”

“Goodnight.”

Their eyes locked for a couple of seconds, just staring and breathing, with identical smiles on their face. Contentment filled Eileen’s chest, and for the first time in a long while, she could say that she was happy. Words had escaped her and all she could think of was how happy she really was. And she didn’t want to go down from that high. _If only it could last forever_. Without thinking, Eileen straightened her back and craned her neck to kiss Sam on the cheek.

Sam smiled wider at Eileen as she pulled back. Minus his puffy eyes, he looked much better compared earlier. “Goodnight,” he repeated.

With that Eileen made her way towards her temporary room, unaware that Sam was watching her walk away.


End file.
